The Time of Our Lives

 By Scott Coner

                                                                            Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author  

     It’s a funny thing how we change as we get older. We begin to understand that life is shorter than we originally thought. When we are young, we wish we could be older. When I was little, I wanted to be old enough to play with the older kids. When I was ten, I wanted to be sixteen so I could drive. I remember sitting in school praying for the afternoon to pass so I could have my freedom back. These days, I wish the days could just be longer. I want more time with my wife, my daughters, and our home. The older I get, the faster time seems to go.

     When we first found out that Cyndi was pregnant, we could hardly wait for baby Emily Sae to be born. When our second little girl, Taylor was born, I remember being so excited for her to say her first words I could hardly wait. These days I’d give anything just to have both of those little girls in my arms again. Time isn’t just fleeting. In a way it’s kind of heartbreaking as well. The thing is, I had great times back then, but I didn’t have the capacity to truly appreciate what I had until some of the moments were long over. The problem with time is it moves along even when you aren’t ready to move along with it.

     When we are young, we don’t understand that our grandparents are just around for a while. We think we will have the same dog and cat forever. And our best friend will always be our closest pal. What we don’t know is that we will find ourselves visiting those very moments for the rest of our lives because those moments are all we have. I have a few of my grandpa’s flannel shirts and an old hat. I have three of the glasses I drank out of when I was a kid at my Grandma’s house. And every now and then, I wear “Old Spice” cologne just like my grandpa did. I know it’s a little strange, but these are the things that allow me to re-connect for just a minute. That’s the thing about age. You find yourself walking around with a mind full of memories and the need to let those closest to you how much you love them.

      I have given my whole heart to my family. They are simply everything to me. I have sat around watching our kids grow up with a guitar in my hands. Foolishly, I have always wanted to be out on the road playing my music. And because of my persistence, I guess this is about to become a realty soon. I never dreamed the heaviness the idea of leaving would actually bring to my heart. I have always worked very hard at whatever I have wanted. That’s one of the culprits that stole time from my family. I push and push until I get what I want. Now with the reality in front of me, I recently realized that this is going to be much, much harder than I thought. My world is right beside my wife, my home, my powerful memories that I constantly visit. I know now that the warmth and beauty of my wife, the laughter of my kids, and unconditional love of our animals is far more than I ever deserved. I only want to be with them. The rest of what the world offers is certainly appreciated. But, we are going to need to find a way to work it all out somehow.

     Believe me when I say that I am fully aware that my children are all but grown. It won’t be too much longer until they won’t need me as much. One is a junior in college and one is a junior in high school. I guess I just don’t want to miss anything as it comes anymore. I think the greatest lesson I have ever learned is the one that time taught me. That measure of heartbeats that we call a clock has shown me what if feels like to truly appreciate every single minute. For that, I am thankful because I know there are people all over the world that only have regret for the life they didn’t choose to live. For what it’s worth, I will live the years that I have left on this earth doing my best to be a better husband, a better dad, a better son, and a better friend to the few that I actually have. In the mean time, I guess time will just have to continue marching on. There’s not a thing in the world I can do to slow it down.

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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page.         

Shades of Blue and Gray

 By Scott Coner

                                                                            Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author  

     To me, the beauty of art is what it represents. I don’t know very much about painting, or photos, or anything like that. I know what I like when I see it. I know I have never wished I had some paintings of soup cans on my wall. To be honest, I probably like the photos of my family on the walls around my house than anything else. Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like something, isn’t that what matters most?

     I don’t paint pictures. I do take photos with my phone sometimes, but for my own enjoyment. I write songs. I hear melodies. I hear phrases. I search my little piece of the planet for songs. I consider myself a serious songwriter because I truly do apply myself to the craft. I don’t align myself with too many of the publishers that look around for yet another song that “feels” and “sounds” like the last song they had on the radio. I just trudge along doing what I do. No matter what anybody says, I will not chase a train that has already passed me. I think if you consider yourself any type of artist at all, then you have to be yourself. For instance, just because Van Gogh used blues and grays doesn’t mean another guy with a brush can bring out the same beauty using the same colors. And just because some other song talks about how “country” it is to drink whiskey and listen to a train, doesn’t mean I am drawn to that theme.

     I had a conversation recently with a man from Nashville that is involved in my music to some extent. He truly believes that in order to be viable in today’s market that you need to listen to and study the other writers of current radio releases. I think there is some merit to that approach. I do believe if you copy other music, you might actually achieve something. If you listen to twenty minutes of today’s country music, you might walk away believing this approach is pretty popular. But, that’s not how I want to work.

     I instead believe that any genre of music needs to come from somewhere close to the heart. I think it needs to feel good when you play it all alone with just an acoustic guitar or piano. I think it should take you somewhere in your mind. I like the “no-rules” approach to writing. I don’t have a pre-conceived idea of where I want to go with a song. I follow it. It doesn’t follow me. The music getting radio play is something I don’t spend a lot of time following either. I compare trying to figure it all out to understanding the highs and lows in the Wall Street market. I think if you stay true to your own sound, you might make some headway, but I’m not certain of this. When it’s all said and done, it only makes sense to do things your own way.

     I approach music the same way I try to approach life. I don’t compare myself to others. I am comfortable with who I am. I write from my point of view. I live by my rules, not someone else’s. And I strongly believe this is the direction I must take in order to be whole. Have you ever made the mistake of looking at someone else’s set-up and wished it could be yours? I have, but thankfully I came to my senses pretty quickly. I have had some success with my music, but not enough to fulfill me. I have had visions of where I want to go, and I will follow those visions all the way to the end. Like they say, the destination isn’t the fun part. It’s the journey. I have weak moments. I have times when I wish I hadn’t picked up that first guitar. But, I am what I am. We are who we are.

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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page. 

   

The Process of Writing

By Scott Coner

Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author

     Writing songs is like trying to find a four- leaf clover in a hay field. If you search all afternoon, you probably won’t come across one. But if you don’t look too hard, it will find you. Looking back over the many songs as well as attempts at songs I have written, that seems to apply. I have got up early in the morning with nothing on my mind but writing. I put my most comfortable jeans and shirt on. I have a nice hot cup of coffee. And I sit somewhere looking blankly at a piece of paper with a guitar in my lap with nothing coming to me. On the other hand, I can get busy with life and ideas just come naturally.

Still shot of Scott Coner and Carol Chase during their "Whiter Shade of Pale" cover duet

     Carol Chase and I write together quite a bit when she isn’t on the road with Skynyrd. She may show up with a piece of a song she has written on the road. Or, I may show up with some music and an idea. We have even been “Skyping” to firm up material as we get close to a recording date. She has been writing professionally longer than I have. She has had songs recorded by Ronnie Millsap, Pam Tillis as well as others. She has recorded a song that was used on “Every Which Way But Loose.” And she has done back up vocals not only with Lynyrd Skynyrd, but George Jones, Pam Tillis, and many more legends. She understands the concept of writing a song. She has introduced me to the idea of shutting the world off, sitting in a room with many ideas at the same time and writing. She and I have actually spent whole days together and written as many as three songs in a single afternoon. At the end of it all, I can only describe the feeling as “purged” or “cleansed”. I’m not sure which.

     As far as I am concerned, music has been like a therapy to me. Without realizing what I was doing, I have gone deep into my own mind and stepped out with messages I didn’t even know where there. I think it is the process of turning off part of your mind while turning another part on that actually takes place. It all began while I was just a kid. I think I wrote songs because I didn’t play other artists songs very well. It was early on in my playing career that my limitations were what propelled me to be imaginative with what few chords that were at my disposal.

Scott Coner and Carol Chase during a writing session

     Lately, I have been working on a book called, “In Case I’m Not Around.” In the last chapter, I list all of the songs I have written so far and included the process or idea behind each song. I have done this more for my daughters than for anyone else. I just wanted them to understand why I chose to write certain things I guess. As I have worked out the list and went over so many songs, I can see the parts of me that showed themselves when I wasn’t looking. Words or phrases that have been used in my family for years have shown up in songs. As I have allowed my mind to tether out in the abyss, I found that I wasn’t really out there too far, to begin with. I am simply a product of my family. My little town, my friends, past relationships, loss and happiness all show up in the music. I have always wanted to keep my music as down to earth as possible. I don’t use a computer to find a word that rhymes or works well with another. If I don’t have the word or phrase right away, I simply wait for it to come. If someone happened to come across me while I was writing, they would probably think I had lost my mind. I will sit and play the same lines over and over until the right part comes. I may fill a void with a “dummy” line until the proper one shows itself. Like I say, I have been in the clover fields before and came up with nothing at the end of the search. But the search is part of the blessing itself. If you have ever been on a beach early in the morning looking at the sand for shells, you must know what I’m talking about. That time spent along the water's edge listening to the tide, feeling the warm sun and wind is never wasted time. 

At the end of the search, you may come up empty handed, but even then, you know you had a memorable moment that was worth the walk.    

 

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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page. 

Sunsets, Songs, and I Refuse to Grow Old

    By Scott Coner

Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author 

     Here’s something a little bit crazy: “I don’t think I’m ready to get old just yet.” Come to think of it, considering all of the Botox and saggy things being “un-sagged”, maybe I’m not the only one. My reasons are quite a bit different though. The ugly truth is I can’t say that I enjoyed my life all that much until my wife and daughters came into it. They gave me a lift that can’t be bought at a doctor’s office.

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     Looking back on my world now that I have become a middle- aged man, I can easily see that I suffered from at least some level of depression. I can’t say that I actually battled depression because I don’t remember fighting it at all. But, the day I met my wife, all of that changed. I knew in my heart that if I could find a way to add her into my mix, things would get better. Yes, my music had been there in my life as far back as I can remember. I’m a musician. It’s what I do and it’s who I am. But she brought something else to the table that I had never felt. She brought me the chance to feel complete love and devotion. She gave me two girls that I fall over myself about every single day. And she also energized me to the point that I knew I could actually become something in the music business. The class is still out on what I will become, but it doesn’t matter that much. The fact that she gave me the power to pursue my music is a miracle in itself. I’m thinking she might be my muse, but I’m not exactly sure what that is…

      When I say I don’t want to get old, I don’t mean I’m afraid of the aging process. Instead, what I mean is that I know every day is numbered and I just don’t want to run out of days. I want to walk with Cyndi’s hand in mine. I want to travel and see things for the first time with her. I want to see my daughters become all that they ever wanted to become. And I hope to smell that familiar “baby smell” some day as I hold my own grandchildren.

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     I always tell people closest to me that everything good in my life has happened because of music in some way. The joy of writing a song is way up on the list. For me, there isn’t anything quite like sitting alone with a guitar and a scrap of paper and then watching the little song become something bigger a few short weeks or months later. Because of the music, I have met people that are like me. I’m talking about the ones with the “affliction” of chasing down unwritten songs. Because of being a songwriter, I met and fell in love with Cyndi. (She worked at a label in Nashville when I met her)  And because of Cyndi and my songs, I have these two wonderful daughters. It’s hard to show on this paper here, but I assure you everything is connected through music. It’s like a big, funky, musical tree!

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     So, let me get back to this aging process we were discussing a little bit earlier. It’s important for you to know that I’m not old just yet. I mean, I’m not exactly a spring chicken, but I’m not really old yet either. But I am old enough to know how precious and full of surprises life is. I know that I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And I know that all that I have ever wanted from this life is now squarely sitting in my hands. These days I spend a lot more time thinking about how happy I am than thinking about past mistakes. I consider every single day to be a gift. And I look forward to finally seeing all of those sunsets together with my wife as we travel around the country with these songs. It really is good to be alive and believe me when I tell you I take nothing for granted. 

Final thoughts:

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     Every week I write a new blog. Every week I wonder what part of my life I can share with people that might in some way be helpful. I certainly didn’t put this entry together to brag about my life. Instead, what I want you to know is that happiness is there for us. We just have to be willing to make ourselves available to it. You know, years ago, I was in a marriage that wasn’t working for me. I was trying to endure a career and a dead marriage.  And I was on the verge of a pretty big flip out session. You can’t spend your life trying to please everyone. We aren’t house pets. We are individuals with our own interests and our own dreams. There comes a time when a person has to decide how much more he or she is willing to take. Myself, I decided that I needed a little bit of personal modification. I had to start being who I really am rather than what I was becoming.  

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     I don’t know who is reading this article, but I promise whoever it is, understands what I’m talking about. Maybe it’s not too big of a stretch to say that you were the very person this blog was written for. I don’t know. But, if you have a big empty spot in the middle of your soul and you feel like your life lacks direction, consider the reasons why. Ask yourself what it would take in order to find true peace in your heart. What is it that’s missing? Did you lose direction a while back? What can be done? Just allow your mind to put the wants and the needs in order. Compartmentalize the facts, and deal with the issue.  It isn’t a sin to desire to be happy. Like I have said, over and over, sometimes we just need to believe in ourselves and chase down our own brand of happiness. It’s all just outside waiting for you. Life is far to short and fragile to put everything on the back burner. 

We never know what is waiting just around the corner.   

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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page.