It Finally Makes Sense to me Now... I Guess

By Scott Coner

Country Artist

            I think back to the days when I was young. I was from a little small town world. Me, I was your basic t-shirt and flannel kid, but I had big ideas and even bigger plans. I never wanted to be part of the pack. I used to laugh at authority, and I pretty much still do. I have always had it in my genetic make-up to do the exact opposite of what somebody tells me I should be doing, and I have no plans on changing anytime soon. I believe this is the very part of me that has allowed me to have the freedom to make my own choices and go my own way throughout my life. But, there have certainly been mistakes made along the way, and I am prepared to own every one of them... If they were actually mistakes.  

            When I was in my early twenties, I got married for every wrong reason you could imagine to a girl from my town. I found myself moving to Minneapolis the day after I got married and going to an Assembly of God college. I learned a lot. I learned about the Bible of course. I also learned about me. I found that I couldn't live on such a short chain. I found out that I was completely against all of the rules and regulations and that I wasn't going to last very long living like that. Everything pretty much went as you would expect, and as usual it was all my fault. Those five years were good for me in many ways though, and I wouldn't want to trade them. I do wish people I cared about hadn't been hurt, but life has sharp edges I guess. This has always been a problem for me if the truth is to be known. I am given an opportunity to grow and change in some way, but others seem to get hurt around me. I don't know if it's that way for you or not. I hope you have been able to steer your boat a little better than me. 

Scott Coner (Photo by Cynnamae Media Productions)

            Now, all of those "holy" people from the church, and the school, and everywhere else talked about me like I was some kind of devil. It seems funny and sad to me at the same time looking back now. If you don't fully adhere to the ways that others insist that you live, then you’re going to hell. And they begin the process of telling literally everybody they know what a sorry human being you are and that you are ill equipped to be in their sick little circle. That really doesn't seem too Christian to me, but then again, I have been wrong before I guess. All I know is that I have met some pretty great people through the years, and they didn't spend much time telling others how to live. Instead, they live in a way that sets an example that doesn't hurt others or make them bitter.

            It took a lot of time for that storm to pass for me. I never backed down from all of those people, but it hurt me just the same. As I worked through the emotions, I wrote songs. I wrote about my own faith in God. I wrote about the distance I felt from others. And I wrote about healing. It was during this season that I finally found "me". I found out that I surely wasn't perfect, but I found that if I was willing to allow God to work in my life, then there was a chance for me to do something significant, and hopefully help others in some way.  I wrote a musical called "The Broken Seal" about the crucifixion and ascension of Christ , and many other songs about my own journey back to being a human being. I took my music to Nashville, and here we are today.

            Looking back, I see a path that I was forced to follow. I am certain that you have had your own path just like me. You have felt betrayed. Maybe, like me, you betrayed yourself. But, no matter what journey you have taken, we still find ourselves standing here. It is our day now. It is our time to finally make the right choices and try our best to be who we were meant to be. We are entering a new calendar year. Now, I have never been a big believer in waiting for a new year to begin in order to start something new. But, since we happen to be starting a new one, what do you think about making a few changes in our lives? Me? Well, I've been through the ringer. I'm still standing though, and all of those people far back in my rear view mirror only made me stronger. They gave me a reason to finish what I started, and I promise that I will never stop until I get to where I have planned on going all along. From this point forward, how about enjoying the trip? I'll see you when we both get there, and be careful along the way.  

            Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has recorded with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at www.Facebook.com/ScottConerMusic, www.YouTube.com/user/ScottConer, and www.ScottConer.com. Follow Scott at www.Twitter.com/ScottConer.