I Wouldn't Change Much Even If I Could

      By Scott Coner

                                                                            Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author  

     I couldn’t have met my wife at a worse time. But I did, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I fell all over myself for her and I was pretty sure if I didn’t have her by my side for the rest of my life, I didn’t care to go on. I was in the process of a divorce. She was in the same process. Man, it was just awful. I think everybody that knew us at the time had nothing encouraging to say about our state of affairs. It was embarrassing and I know it looked sketchy at best. The thing is, you don’t get to choose when or how certain things happen. You respond the best way possible and hope for the best. I remember pretty well the day I sat in a truck talking to Cyndi about how I saw things. I told her how much she meant to me. I tried to understand what she was going through. And we both were fully aware that everybody on our little world were staying up late talking badly about us. We both cared about what people thought. We didn’t want to disappoint anybody. But, like I’ve said, I was head over heals and there was no turning back. 

                                                                                                

                                    

     If there have been any issues in our marriage after all of these years, I assure you it has been my fault. If there has been anyone that has brought a level of integrity and beauty into my life, I can also assure you it was because of her. She taught me how to relax. She gave me children. She made our home look like something out of a magazine. And every time I look at her she still takes my breath away. So, after all the dust settled, I came out the winner by a very long margin. I didn’t deserve her. Yes, I’m aware. But, somehow, I got everything I could have ever imagined.      

     As she and I get older together, we talk about this next stage in life that is about to come upon us. Our daughters are grown and it won’t be long until it’s just going to be us. We will be “empty nesters” as they say. It scares us both a little. And we both talk about how quickly time seems to slide by without being noticed. If I could wish for one thing, I would wish for more time with her and the girls. It’s heartbreaking to realize in the not too distant future my life will be nearly over and I just don’t want to go. I’m not scared of dying, but I’m terrified of being without them.

               

     

     There have been moments I have been a total jerk. Those are the times and the memories that I hate the most. It’s true that you can’t take back things you do and say. I just wish it were possible because I would never do anything on purpose to hurt her or my family. As I get older, I begin to better understand that my life has been blessed from the start. I have had opportunities that others would have loved to have. I have walked away from more than most even dream of. And somehow, I still landed right side up. I don’t know how that happened, so I can’t explain it. I do know without any doubt at all that at this moment, I am very, very happy to have my life. I love how things have turned out and I don’t have regrets. I wouldn’t dare complain too much because I think it would fall on deaf ears anyway.

     

     I don’t have any real wisdom to pass along after living all of this life. I always tell young guys to wear good shoes because their knees will thank them later. I also tell anyone that will listen that they should eat well and not poison themselves with fast food. Other than that, make sure you get a woman like mine. If you can do that, you will want to be home every chance you get. You will walk around with a smile while everyone else wants to complain. And when you get older, you’ll be like me. You’ll want to live on forever because you are certain you have heaven right here on earth. You will lay in the dark of the night with a huge smile as you hold in your arms one of God’s greatest treasures. You will realize that you have everything worth having. While others stand in line to buy a lottery ticket, you can know you won a long time ago and you have no room or desire for anything more. 

                                                        Life is very cool.     

                                   

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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page.