By Scott Coner
Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author
I’d say that it’s common knowledge that most of us know that life is a combination of events. Some of those events we may plan for years. Other situations occur due to all types of cause and effect. I also believe that it is a pretty sure bet that we all have some bruises and a few deep cuts that we would like to keep private. Life just has her way of leaving little reminders. We, in turn, have the choice of using those scars to allow for wisdom, or to roll around in, and be frozen and broken from that specific moment.
I have made far too many mistakes to even pick a good one as an example. Some mistakes I have had to make more than once just to get a clear objective. One of my earliest memories is a very young version of me in my mom and dad’s bedroom sticking a bobby pen in a light receptacle not just once, but twice. I remember the feeling running up my hand and arm, but not fully understanding what was going on. The bobby-pen must have come out on its own, so of course, I had to go for it again. This must have been early confirmation that I would be making certain mistakes on a fairly regular basis. The problem is when you know good, and well what the eventual outcome is going to be, it is no longer a mistake. It is an informed decision.
We have all talked to that sad, broken hearted person about their relationship that has gone nowhere but down over the last twenty years. We listen, and we feel the pain coming from that person. But in the end, nothing changes. I believe the big-money counselors call this the act of enabling. To put it simply, instead of dealing with an issue, we decide to help it along and complain about it whenever we get a chance. I would imagine there is an entire legion of people that would attack my opinion, but I see this as simple weakness. I think sometimes we need to dig deep and find strength in order to promote true and lasting change. People say that you can’t change people. But, I disagree. I know this because I changed. I had to make specific changes in my life if I was going to hold on to my marriage. I had to find a quiet place and do some serious thinking. I started making changes right away. I couldn’t find anyone to blame but myself. I knew I alone was the reason I had wasted years of my life not pursuing what I needed to be. I also knew that the only thing to do was to begin again. I had to develop a plan and be willing to do the work required in order to accomplish my goals. In order to do this correctly, though, I would need my wife’s help. These days, I can look at what we have accomplished together and feel a true sense of pride. I am proud of what we have completed together. I am proud of the plans we still have. And lastly, I am proud that I had enough love in my heart to seek true change and stick to it.
I don’t have a lot of true, close friends in my world. Sure, I have a few friends. But, I don’t think anyone but my wife and kids truly know me. They know the guy that fiddles around the house writing songs. They know the guy that needs to be around his horses and donkeys and dogs. They even know the guy that slows down his truck in order to avoid hitting a butterfly or a caterpillar trying to cross the road. They also know the guy that has made miss-steps and mistakes along the way. But what matters most is they know I have been willing to change in order to make things level and right. I know I have kept my world too private. I have a nine- foot fence and gates surrounding my home. And beyond that, is farm ground. Somewhere along the way, I think my disappointments have driven me to shut off most of the world and simply focus on what I could do something about. Maybe, in the back of my mind I thought if I contained my own world, I could keep it under control. But then again, I really like safety and privacy. And who knows? I might want a set of giraffes one day.
We all make mistakes. We all deal with mistakes differently. I hate to be judgmental of others and how they handle certain situations. But at the same time, I hate to see people make lateral movements and never actually improve their lives. Life sure has an awful lot to offer if we are willing to be open to change and willing to do what is necessary. So, the moral of the story is: Don’t stick things where they don’t belong. And don’t keep doing stupid things over and over.
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Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page.
