By Scott Coner
Nashville Recording Artist, Songwriter, Performer, and Author
Here’s something a little bit crazy: “I don’t think I’m ready to get old just yet.” Come to think of it, considering all of the Botox and saggy things being “un-sagged”, maybe I’m not the only one. My reasons are quite a bit different though. The ugly truth is I can’t say that I enjoyed my life all that much until my wife and daughters came into it. They gave me a lift that can’t be bought at a doctor’s office.
Looking back on my world now that I have become a middle- aged man, I can easily see that I suffered from at least some level of depression. I can’t say that I actually battled depression because I don’t remember fighting it at all. But, the day I met my wife, all of that changed. I knew in my heart that if I could find a way to add her into my mix, things would get better. Yes, my music had been there in my life as far back as I can remember. I’m a musician. It’s what I do and it’s who I am. But she brought something else to the table that I had never felt. She brought me the chance to feel complete love and devotion. She gave me two girls that I fall over myself about every single day. And she also energized me to the point that I knew I could actually become something in the music business. The class is still out on what I will become, but it doesn’t matter that much. The fact that she gave me the power to pursue my music is a miracle in itself. I’m thinking she might be my muse, but I’m not exactly sure what that is…
When I say I don’t want to get old, I don’t mean I’m afraid of the aging process. Instead, what I mean is that I know every day is numbered and I just don’t want to run out of days. I want to walk with Cyndi’s hand in mine. I want to travel and see things for the first time with her. I want to see my daughters become all that they ever wanted to become. And I hope to smell that familiar “baby smell” some day as I hold my own grandchildren.
I always tell people closest to me that everything good in my life has happened because of music in some way. The joy of writing a song is way up on the list. For me, there isn’t anything quite like sitting alone with a guitar and a scrap of paper and then watching the little song become something bigger a few short weeks or months later. Because of the music, I have met people that are like me. I’m talking about the ones with the “affliction” of chasing down unwritten songs. Because of being a songwriter, I met and fell in love with Cyndi. (She worked at a label in Nashville when I met her) And because of Cyndi and my songs, I have these two wonderful daughters. It’s hard to show on this paper here, but I assure you everything is connected through music. It’s like a big, funky, musical tree!
So, let me get back to this aging process we were discussing a little bit earlier. It’s important for you to know that I’m not old just yet. I mean, I’m not exactly a spring chicken, but I’m not really old yet either. But I am old enough to know how precious and full of surprises life is. I know that I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And I know that all that I have ever wanted from this life is now squarely sitting in my hands. These days I spend a lot more time thinking about how happy I am than thinking about past mistakes. I consider every single day to be a gift. And I look forward to finally seeing all of those sunsets together with my wife as we travel around the country with these songs. It really is good to be alive and believe me when I tell you I take nothing for granted.
Final thoughts:
Every week I write a new blog. Every week I wonder what part of my life I can share with people that might in some way be helpful. I certainly didn’t put this entry together to brag about my life. Instead, what I want you to know is that happiness is there for us. We just have to be willing to make ourselves available to it. You know, years ago, I was in a marriage that wasn’t working for me. I was trying to endure a career and a dead marriage. And I was on the verge of a pretty big flip out session. You can’t spend your life trying to please everyone. We aren’t house pets. We are individuals with our own interests and our own dreams. There comes a time when a person has to decide how much more he or she is willing to take. Myself, I decided that I needed a little bit of personal modification. I had to start being who I really am rather than what I was becoming.
I don’t know who is reading this article, but I promise whoever it is, understands what I’m talking about. Maybe it’s not too big of a stretch to say that you were the very person this blog was written for. I don’t know. But, if you have a big empty spot in the middle of your soul and you feel like your life lacks direction, consider the reasons why. Ask yourself what it would take in order to find true peace in your heart. What is it that’s missing? Did you lose direction a while back? What can be done? Just allow your mind to put the wants and the needs in order. Compartmentalize the facts, and deal with the issue. It isn’t a sin to desire to be happy. Like I have said, over and over, sometimes we just need to believe in ourselves and chase down our own brand of happiness. It’s all just outside waiting for you. Life is far to short and fragile to put everything on the back burner.
We never know what is waiting just around the corner.
Keep in touch!
Scott Coner is a country singer-songwriter who has worked in the studio with legendary artists such as Tanya Tucker, T. Graham Brown and Charlie Daniels. You can learn more about him and hear his music at his music page.
